fuck yourself [05 Apr 2005|10:09pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | fracas ] uhhh, prepare yourself for an emo entry silly me for remembering the good times. i wish i still had them so i could enjoy them to the fullest extent.... since i never quite took advantage of them before. i miss when phoebe was here. i miss enjoying the company of people. being thrilled to see friends. being creative without being fucked up. i want my natural energy back. whatever though. im gonna get me to some shows and ill be good. man fuck im sorry i broke a promise to you phoebe...makes me feel lousy. serious man. anyways, shit! im bored. fuck this im out fuck me

hmm [24 Aug 2004|02:06am] [ music | The Cure- Close to Me ] Sooo, yesterday was interesting. I was walking around, errr, doing nothing really, and then umm, Michael ran into me, and then I hung out with him and Chris and this other chick, who I forgot her name. That was neat-o, umm, after that I went down to Longs to buy candy cause I had some money left over, then while walking home I ran into Misha... which was like, woaaaaah. I haven't seen her in hella long, I miss her. Anyway, Zoey was with her & Monique, so I was with them awhile, then I went home and my little cousin was waiting for me, so yeah, that worked out well. I'm getting 100 bucks this week so I'm gonna go buy something... woo! MELISSA IS GONNA HAVE HER OWN MONEY FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! WATCH OUT WORLD!!! hahahaha, yeah, phenomenauts next week <333333333 peace out bitches, -Melissa 6 fucked mes| fuck me

I'm fucking tired. [21 Aug 2004|02:03am] So, yeah. I went to Berkeley today to hang out with Fonzi, it was damn fun. The bus ride was fucking insane. I get on the 51, and sit down and then this girl behind me comes up and sits next to me... I was just like, eh, whatever, maybe her stop is soon........ BUT NOOOO, she decides to tell me her fucking life story in 30 minutes. This chick was fucking crazy, I mean literally. She talked about how she was an actress and how she was in a movie with some stupid fucks from some lame band, and I was all confused. Whatever, agh. Anyway, so I met up with Fonzi on Telegraph at Blondie's, and he was with some dude, errrr, Jesse I think his name was, anyway, he was fucking cool. We went down to this place to get Fonzi's glasses, which were thick as fuck... I was like 'HOLY SHIT!' Bad vision sucks. Errrmmm, after that, we drove to Jesse's(?) place and I just sat around and played his bass (which I am in love with)... and anyway, blah blah blah blah, we came back to Alameda and yeah, the end. I'm too tired to write more. Me and this chick are talking about internet lingo and how 'hehe' and 'haha' are NOT the same thing. Yes, she's wonderful. Anyway...yeah...later fuck me

Fuck [11 Aug 2004|10:05pm] I have cramps. They are so fucking bad right now man... I wish I could fucking get a hammer and bash my fucking brains in. I HATE BEING ON MY FUCKING RAG!!!!! FUCK THIS SHIT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ::dies:: fuck me

[11 Aug 2004|11:09am] [ mood | drained ] Ummmm...... I gave Sam his bike back, so yeah, no need to worry about that anymore. I'm watching fucking Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen. Fuck. I need to do something, I'm feeling fucking worthless today. Yesterday was really fucking weird... I would stare at the ground when I was walking home and I felt like I was somewhere else other than Alameda, and it was so cold it felt like the wind was slipping through my skin and everything was melting off of me. I don't know.... I'm confused, I need something more than all of this... I don't think that makes much since. Fuck it, whatever. I came home 5 minutes late last night and my mom nearly killed me. I was so out of it, I felt bad cause my mom was sad and she was trying to talk to me about something but I didn't understand. ehhh, I'm gonna go now, I'm a loser. fuck me

[07 Aug 2004|10:24pm] Fuck your nature. The dying body of a man is your art and the statistics are your canvas. Forms of color, significance of the familiar bloodshed raining down interfering with the paths of man. Gun shots got you down, stuck between the fence, one head lays, corpses are glamor, just not the bloody mess. You all look like models from Jewish Concentration Camps, with your ribs sticking out as you walk down your glimmering run way. And you just say to yourself, 'fuck you, i'm beautiful' but you know your in the gutter cause ya don't fit their standards. Crawling with the rats suffocating in your blind haze of media images, run ways, fuck your cat walks cause your an ugly whore to the mirror as it lies, and all your poloroids are fake with your red pen marks on the photograph fantasizing just how thin you dream of being, and your going to burn in your glory of starving satisfaction. Fuck, I just don't know what it is man, cause, maybe it's the blindness, the result of all the camera lights flickering and the publicity that blinds you from realizing your just another stick to the fucking tree. Go light me up a cigarette and burn yourself out again, cause your flame will never be visible to anyone else... and you don't matter to no one but yourself, your just another smeared face longing to be sold to the press, you can't afford to get over the fact that we as humans have imperfections. If I gave you the fucking money to spend a day and my eyes to view the world around you and the differences, you'd spend my money on diet pills to go out and get your fucking sick. And if I offered you another method to living, you'd reject me in a second because you have far out done me. I know your better than me, but I will light fire to your fucking imagery, and you'll say sorry as you turn into your dreamy dust, no more numbers to weigh you down. Your free as you say, but you've got nothin on me.... and you never did.   I write odd things.... no one understands them and I don't know if I really truly want them to. fuck me

[07 Aug 2004|04:20pm] [ mood | amused ] Some wise words to Melissa & Sara...... No More Coquettish Look On Your Face Not So Much Pretty Ugly But Your In Your Place Hide Behind Your Man, Don't Dare To Think For You Keep Your Claws Off Me As I Walk On Through, Walk On Through Dont You Glare Im Not The Kind Of Girl Who Would Just Pull On Your Hair I Won't Be Through Til Your Blue Just Us Two , Whatcha Gonna Do? (Chorus) Damn Man Come On And Sell Your Seconds No One Can Make Ya Make Ya Break Ya Anyway I'll Break Ya, They'll Crown Me Never Used To Harm No One No Matter What The Reason Now You Dug Your Grave And It's Bitch Hunting Season Smiling Madly Honey When I See Your Around Biding My Time Before I Get You On The Ground Its Not My Plan To Steal Your Man Its A Pitiful Sight Thats Hard To Stand I Guess I Dont Get A Clue So Just Move Your Ass Aside And Let Me Walk On Fucking Through I dare you to fuck with me. I fucking DARE you. Stop talking shit and put a fist to my face. I'd love to see you try. This is the reason why I hate most other chicks. You all are a bunch of pussies! I despise you! If you would have the balls to come directly to me I'd tell you a fucking thing or two. fuck me

AGH!!!!! [07 Aug 2004|02:44pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | 2RightsWrong ] Fuck.Fuck.Fuck. I'm a fucking rainbow of emotions, and, ew, I despise the feeling of confusion. My little cousin Jessica is coming over today, I love her... I want to help her out, her dad isn't there like mine wasn't... and her mom isn't really there either........... like mine wasn't too much. Bah... her mom, (my aunt) is the biggest crack head bitch ever, literally. I don't know what she fucks with anymore but she isn't like... there, in her mind. I can't stand her, I've tried to help her out several times, letting her stay in my room when she had no where else to go, borrowing my fucking money, some clothes of mine, but all she does is talk shit about me. I love how that works out. When I leave I'm taking Jessica with me and my baby sister away from my dad. I'm not letting my aunt fuck up Jessica, and I'm not letting my dad fuck up my baby sister... even if she's only a half sister, she's still family. I'm gonna save everyone from what they can't see right now... Jessica is only 8, agh... she's so confused. Not that you aren't supposed to be confused at 8 years old... cause fuck, I know I was, but that's different, she's different. I don't want her to feel like I feel, although I know I could be a lot fucking worse if it weren't for my aunt being there for me when I was really young. I wanna be like... there for Jessica... so she can grow up and like, look at me and say I helped her out to get through shit. I love her so fucking much... I wish I got to spend more time with her. Fuck her mom dude, if I see her today and she says something stupid to me, I'll explode. I think me and her should listen to some Pink Floyd today... the old tapes that were my aunts that she gave to me. So many fucking memories with those and the old live Greatful Dead tapes. I wish she wouldn't have moved out of my grandparent's house when I was 10... maybe things would have been better. Whatever though, I turned out alright I guess. Ehhhh, I'm so confused, ever since yesterday I've been reflecting on things... I feel like a reflection... but I'm not cause I'm actually solid and I'm here. Errr... but sometimes it's like I'm not here cause everyone looks at me as if I'm my mom, like, everyone is waiting for me to fuck up. Woah. I just got off the phone with Fonzi. I miss him so much... he's so fucking awesome to be around, WOW. I need to see him, I miss people. Fuck I miss myself and how shit used to be. But it's alright cause shit changes and I just gotta learn how to deal with it man. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF. I'M NOT A FUCKING PERSON fuck me

[07 Aug 2004|12:51pm] I Think I'm Dying Holy shit dude. I'm seeing shit again......................... fuck me

ohhhhhhh [06 Aug 2004|09:28pm] Oh man today was amazingly crazy. I'm such a desperate fuckinng loser. I need to quit asmokking. I do...I really do but its just so fuckuing hard nd im high right now and a lil drunk so yeah i dont know. Myhm moms boyfriend walked out so now shes like all weird and angry and sad and tripped out and tyea akll that other fun stuff. i feel like im melting off the chair./.. im so tired but i can rtfucking sleep i swear dude thsi fucking sucks ass. i ohope sam and everyjhtone are ok cause yeah there still oat the beach and i left cause i emneeded too come home for mymokm acause shes all fucked up. nowi m talking to jacob and laura and jacob is mad and me and so is laura. motehr fuckers. i wish poepple didnt fucking care sometimes. fuck them, fuck everyone. i love you mo your so fuckin amazing like holy shit. anywayy i hshould go now./...off of here...cause yeah. yeah. fuckk yerah. fuck me

[05 Aug 2004|10:04pm] [ mood | confused ] I saw this lady on Park st. and she looked like she was dying. I walked over to her and I said, "Hey, miss, are you alright?" and she didn't answer. So I tapped her and I said.... hey.... and she still didn't answer. I hope she's alright. I remember a couple months ago when I was really fucked up and depressed or whatever, still trying to figure myself out *which I still am* this lady kept following me on Park st. when I was smoking... and she kept passing me by over and over. She waved and I waved back at her, but I was just kinda like 'what the fuck'? Anyway, a couple minutes later there was this ambulance outside infront of this store... I forget which one, and like, the lady had a seizure and she was freaking out... she got carried away in a stretcher. The guy next to me was laughing about it and called her a retard... then I told him I hope he fucking dies so I can laugh at him. I'm such an ass but I think seeing these things means something. This shit keeps happening over and over again to me, and like, I think it's a sign or else it wouln't keep happening. Maybe I'm crazy................. whatever, I have so much more to learn, but I know I don't have much time... 1 fucked me| fuck me

FUCK YOU [05 Aug 2004|10:59am] [ mood | angry ] [ music | Distillers- Sick of it All ] Fuck this. I'm closing off mother fuckers from my life. I'm tired of everyone and their bullshit. I will notify them too. Catherine pissed me the fuck off last night, thinking she is right with every god damn thing. I already know I'm fucking shit, thanks for fucking confirming it HOOORAY FOR ME! I earn another stab in the fucking back, I love it. Stupid fucking moron, fuck everyone, the only one who can hurt me is ME. Fuck you Catherine, for saying I think that I'm always right, fuck you for saying that no one will listen to me, and fuck you for fucking saying that I can't fucking change anything. Just cause your life is fucking shattered, doesn't mean you need to come in and fuck up mine, nice try though. I love it when people try to open me up with intentions of stabbing me in the back. Well, it won't happen anymore though, cause I'm not letting anyone get close to me, unless they are really special.... so fuck off. -Melissa fuck me

Holy shit [04 Aug 2004|09:36pm] Worm holes are what transport us from one destination to the next. They exist everywhere, infront of you, behind you, and amongst you. Us, ourselves, humans, are worm holes, we devour everything in our path, destroying and polluting it, SPREADING THE DISEASE OF HUMAN NATURE. Worm holes work in many different ways, causing chaos in their paths and dividing two universes in half. Past and present begin the process of time elimintation and in our thoughts the hours are countless and the days many. We pass and intercept worm holes every minute, by our movement we interrupt thier connection to the other side. With this new method of logic, arrives chaos and confusion. We come to find that life and death are one but the same, and life in the eyes of an open mind is no more than death. Only when we realize these things will we begin to truly live and explore the different areas of our existence.... I'm too odd....... Anyway. Moe did something that wasn't odd at all, but it made me think....... she was burning our gum paper at Jackson Park, and it turns to dust when you burn it. For some reason it got me into this deep thinking phase even after she left. Then me and Sam went and smoked some pot. I feel bad for him... he had to listen to me talk about nothing for hours like the rant above. I'm such a fucking idiot, whatever.... I think I take too much interest in little things. ::sigh:: I'm pathetic. :-/ -Melissa 3 fucked mes| fuck me

This is so the quote of the week [03 Aug 2004|11:31pm] melissa X puke: :-( melissa X puke: :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( melissa X puke: :-( melissa X puke: hahaah melissa X puke: thats a T Phoebe: HAHAHHAAH Phoebe: WTF Phoebe: LOL melissa X puke: for... im gonna Tie your bitch ass up to a Tree Phoebe: HAHAHA FOOOOOK YEAHH Phoebe: A T FOR TOTALLY TICKLISH TITTIES TODAY! LMAO I DUNNO   How could you not love Phoebe, my stupid bitch slut blaster?!?!!? <3 fuck me

Update [03 Aug 2004|07:59pm] Phoebe apologized for her insults which will go un-named since they are HIGHLY inapropriate. She promised to get help with her anger issues and a shot gun to end all of her other problems. Then she said "Melissa, I am so emo, please, please, just kill me" And I said HELL NAH BITCH!..... ] The rival continues. ::dun dun dunnnn:: Tune in next week to see shots of Phoebe's dead body! :) 1 fucked me| fuck me

Phoebe is hotter than you. [03 Aug 2004|07:41pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Crime Disease- Only Rage ] "i once had a dollar, and this person said they would trade me 2 quaters for the dollar... i said yes b/c 2 is more than one... then another person came up to me and said they would trade my 2 quaters for 3 dimes.. i said yes b/c 3 is more than 2... then another person came up to me and said they'd trade me 4 nickels for my 3 dimes.. i said yes b/c 4 is more than 3... then another person came and said they's trade me 5 pennies for the 4 nickels... i said yes b/c 5 is more than 4... now i have 5 cents" I don't have stupid friends..... I swear. I'm only here to create rippling in the stages of time just as anyone else. We all step upon the floor with the intentions of one day leaving an imprint on the concrete human mind, but we are abandonned with only desire and wanting. Desire leads to creation of a whole other world, a longing for the clouds to rise out of sky and form the deepness of an ocean. Every cloud has a particular shading of gray, a silver outlining coated with the remains of lives lost to wars of self-identity to blend the fallen cloud back into the flawless glittered tear drained sky. I was expecting the path of the tube would expand me to another demension, but it detached itself letting the ashes fall off into another universe to which the fallen clouds no longer have the ability to stick to the surface energy of the tear formed sky, but if I entered into the cloud covered worm whole, I would land in the exact point in space which I am walking upon at this moment in time. Traveling faster than the speed of sound would only rotate the human body around the surface of earth leading the mind to transform it's views into another point in time. Those who are admitted into mental hospitals go through this transformation, creating the ideal manipulated form of life. We are branded as brain damaged citizens who have gone through the transformation of "light" A BRAND NEW UNDERSTANDING TO WHICH WE MUST MANIPULATE OTHERS INTO GATHERING TO OR THE END OF UNDERSTANDING IS NEAR! And I don't do acid......I swear. Anyway, I didn't do much today except sit around and ruin this 13 year olds internet life. It's pretty fucking grand, the little cum breath-ed psycho had it CUMMING to her. NOW, I'm thinking of more things to do to this little clit boxer. BWAHAHAHA!!! Bah, I need a cigarette to celebrate, don't have one though. There isn't even one sitting outside, I already checked. I'm....drawing...on my knee. Damn, how lame. Errr, I don't know what else to say. Later bitch whores. -Melissa P.S. Phoebe made me cry. Phoebe I don't appreciate your insults. My self-esteem has now plummeted into the negative zone. Thanks for nothing. 1 fucked me| fuck me

Good shows!!! [02 Aug 2004|06:41pm] 924 Gilman Saturday 21 Modern Machines (WI) This Is My Fist! Period Three (WI) Love Songs Max Fischer Saturday 28 The Phenomenauts Harold Ray Live In Concert The Peppermints (S.D.) STRT SPRX (WA) S.C.A. September Friday 3 Naked Aggression Toxic Narcotic Midnight Creeps New Earth Creeps Good fucking shows. Everyone should go, because these bands kick YOUR ass. If Phoebe doesn't go I get to kill her. I'll cut off her face with my switch blade, then I will cut off her huge 5ft long cock, cause it's too big for her own good!!! I'm so happy I could piss, (Not just about killing someone, but about the shows)HAH, anyway, other than that, today sucked. Counseling was fucking retarded, I didn't expect it to be grand or anything, it was just more lousy than usual. I was in the waiting room for a total of 50 fucking minutes, when the stupid bitch (Karen O.) said that she was going to speak to my mom for a quick moment. That shit frustrates me. Then, while in the waiting room, I come across Pancake Face, A.K.A Jesse Cohen, my old counselor who always had a huge stick up her ass... she's a fucking cock monster. I hope she chokes on cum. :) Hahaha but yeah, I'm watching Full House and talking to some losers online :) I'm about to write some songs and then update again when I get bored enough (If your lucky) -Melissa 5 fucked mes| fuck me

[02 Aug 2004|02:27pm] FUCK COUNSELING!!!!   I love Rory even more now. :) Why does he have to be so damn cool? fuck me

[01 Aug 2004|08:06pm] Friday I'm in Love - You're carefree and still single-spirited. You like relationships only when they suit you and you tend to cast others aside sometimes. Try not to be so cold. Which Song By The Cure Are You? brought to you by Quizilla I would do Robert Smith, and I'd do him damn hard. He's so beautiful, look at that sexy hair. kinky isn't a feather...its using the whole damn chicken! and you know it. you are so kinky that even you are afraid of yourself sometimes. What type of SEX do You enjoy? brought to you by Quizilla Holy shit, I'm not that bad. At least I don't think so... ah! That's horrible, I'm a dirty mother fucker. fuck me

[31 Jul 2004|05:48pm] I LOVE RORY!!!!! You people have no idea the greatness of Rory. I love him. He's magical like fucking Disneyland. He's such a pretty little princess. :) I've been talking to him for the past 4 hours or something like that. Today has been so fucking boring, it's rainy and cold outside. Fuck summer. Stupid shit. I'm getting angry all the sudden, woo, crazy bitch mood swings. I just want to kick someone in the face and watch them bleed on my floor... hahahaha. God damn it, Rory had to get offline, how fucking lame. I need more cigarettes, I swear, I will never have enough. I can't wait till the show tomorrow at slaughterhouse. It's gonna kick bitch ass! Boring survey.....ew.... 1. Your name spelled backwards. Assilem 2. Where were your parents born? San Francisco, CA 3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? I have no idea. Probably a song from Rory's band. 4. What's your favorite restaurant? Don't have one, not that I can think of. Anything that's cheap? 5. Last time you swam in a pool? Ummmm, I don't know. I think it was when I jumped in with my clothes on. Ohhh that was a good day. 6. Have you ever been in a school play? No... thank fucking god. 7. How many kids do you want? I'm not thinking too much about that now. Maybe one... I want a girl. She could be just like me. Ahhh, we'd destroy the world. :) 8. Type of music you dislike most? Don't know, anything degrading to women, or just plain out ignorant. 9. are you registered to vote? Nope. Not old enough yet, and besides, it's not what you do once every 4 years that matters. 10. Do you have a car? Nope. Hoping to get a van soon. 11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Nope 12. Ever prank call anybody? Who hasn't??? 13. Ever get a parking ticket? No. That's kind of difficult since I don't have a car. 14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? I don't know, maybe? 15. Furthest (Farthest) place you ever traveled? Uhhh, fuck, I don't know. 16. Do you have a garden? Nah, I couldn't manage it. Not here enough. 17. What's the size of your bed? I don't have one, it's a couch. 18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? I don't remember all of them. 19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Shower, afternoon, bath, night. 20. Best movie you've seen in the past 4 months? Hm, Butterfly Affect. Trippy as fuck. 21. What's the next movie you want to see? I don't know 22. Chips or popcorn? Chips 23. Have you ever broken any hearts? Yeah 24. Premarital sex? Fuck off. 25. Are you a good cook? If you like cereal and toast. 26. Orange or Apple juice? Orange. With Vodka. 27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? Uhhh, haha. Last time was with Chelsea and her dad, and it was some place on Telegraph. 28. Favorite type of drink? Depends on my mood 29. Best thing in the world? Shows, music, friends 30. Have you ever broken a bone? Nothing but a couple of fingers. 31. Have you ever won a trophy? No 32. What is your favorite board game? I don't know..... 33. What is your dream car? Hmmm, I have no idea. Anything that runs. 34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? No 35. Coke or Pepsi? Usually pepsi 36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? No 37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? NO idea. 38. Who are you going to marry? Rory. Hah. 39. Who would you like to meet? Anyone interesting :-/ 40. Do you believe in love at first sight? Eh. Don't think so. 41. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex? I hate these questions. They're so redundant, so I'm going to skip it. 42. Where would you go for a romantic evening? A show, the beach, a drunken night on the town :) 43. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 2 pairs of boots, and my old converse. 44. Last song stuck in your head? Don't know, probably something by the business. 45. Any pets? My bird, he's a circus bird, he does tricks... I swear. 46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? I don't know. Hardly watch it. 47. What is one thing you would like to learn to do? Heh, uhm, don't know. 48. What do you do when you are bored? Write, read a book, smoke, call friends, the internet, go to shows, take the bus somewhere, hang out, I don't know? 49. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? I don't know, I kind of just want to go to the beach when it rains and dig my feet into the sand. It sounds nice right about now. 50. What is one thing you are grateful for today? Everything....   fuck me

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]